I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of fighting and for the first time in my entire life, I could understand why some women killed their children before turning the guns on themselves. Not that I really wanted to do harm to my children mind you, it's just for the first time it was understandable.
I was sitting at the kitchen table shuffling through a mountain of bills that just seemed to keep coming as my thoughts wondered that way. I arranged them in order of importance, it didn't matter which way I shuffled them, I didn't have the money to pay. Sighing, I picked up the phone to call the mortgage company to request yet another extension. I hated making these begging calls but this time it was necessary. A foreclosure notice on the door and I didn't have anywhere to go so I had to do something.
"Hello," I said to the switchboard operator when she answered the phone in a bored voice.
"I need to speak with someone about the status of my mortgage."
"Hold on," she said without waiting for me to make a response. I waited through seemingly endless country western tunes until someone picked up the phone.
"This is Mrs. Turner, can I help you?" Taking a deep breath I responded. "Hi, my name is Leah Mitchell and I need to speak to someone about a notice that was posted on my door tonight."
"What is your account number?" she inquired. She was a sister and I felt like I could be real with her.
"62545-5949-10," I said sucking in my breath in anticipation. I had called earlier that day and got a white woman who was totally belligerent to me and I prayed that this 'sista girl' would be a little more compassionate.
"What is the name on the account," she replied.
"Um, Kentee Mitchell," I humbly replied.
"And you are again?" she said in an all business tone dashing all my hopes of a sympatric ear.
"I'm his wife," I dismally replied drawing another deep breath.
"Mrs. Mitchell, I cannot speak to you about this account since your name does not appear on the account. You need to have your husband phone to discuss the account," she said.
"That's the problem," I said not bothering to fight back the sobs that erupted in my throat and burst forth through my mouth.
"Mrs. hum, Mitchell, calm down, I can't understand you," she said with more sympathy.
"My husband left me with three small kids. My oldest is five and I have a set of twins that are two. I don't know where he is and I can't see my family put out in the street," I cried. In support of my statement, all three children started crying in the background. I got up from the table and went into the bedroom for a little more privacy.
"Hold on," she said putting me back to the earlier music line. During the hold, I tried to compose myself. I absolutely hated that I had to make this call and I hated Kentee for putting me in this situation. Before we met, I had a good job and was doing just fine. He talked me into quitting my job and having babies and at the first sign of trouble left my ass.
"I wish I had of listened to Marie," I thought to myself.
"Mrs. Mitchell, I need to get a number and call you back. If I discuss this loan with you I could be fired and these calls are monitored if they exceed three minutes. Give me a number to reach you and I will phone you on my break," she said. Relieved, I gave her my number and hoped that she called back before the phone was disconnected.
Crystal, my oldest child was beating on the door to be let in. She was my drama queen! I could not have a pity party unless she joined in. Ever since Kentee left me, Crystal cried every time I shed a tear. Even when I snuck into the bathroom for a good cry, she was at the door begging for admittance.
The second biggest problem that I had right now was the fact that I have no down time. I'm a mother 24/7 with no relief in sight. Crystal was barley out of diapers. She was a late bloomer and now that the twins were here, lately she had resorted to wetting herself as well. I felt like I needed a conveyor belt to wipe all the butts I was responsible for.
My mother helped out as much as she could but they were my responsibility and that is why I felt like I had little choice but to kill us all. To make matters even worse, I knew in my heart of hearts that something was wrong with my little girl Nicole. Unlike her brother Nickie she still didn't sleep through the night and at times during the day she would have these little fits just constantly screaming.
Needless to say, I was worn out and despite all the love I had in my heart for my children I was tired. I shoved the pile of bills onto the floor and lower my head onto the now empty table. Too tired to cry I waited for the phone to ring to end the suspense that had been building up all day. While my mother watched the kids, I went to different church and non-profit agencies trying to get some assistance. I managed to scrounge up $500 to cover my other expenses like light and phone bills but if I lost the house, I may need that money to cover rental expenses somewhere else! I felt the knot in the top of my head move closer to the center and I tried to hold back the tears and frustration. I could not understand how my relationship with Kentee had taken such a drastic turn and more importantly why!
Reflecting, Leah reluctantly admitted to her self that things were different since the birth of the twins. I used to greet Kentee naked or near naked when he came home from work. As long as Crystal was bedded down, I would sit on his lap and hand feed him his supper. The house would be spotless and my hair and face were fixed. Lately, Kentee came home to find my hair standing out on ends with no place to walk let alone sit down and no dinner on the table. In my mind, I was sure that he understood but obviously he didn't. I was interrupted in my musing by the ringing of the phone.
"Hello," I responded shaking with trepidation.
"Mrs. Mitchell?" the voice inquired.
"Speaking," I croaked back in response.
"I need to make sure that you understand that by law I cannot talk to you about this loan but I can relate to your situation so that is why I am calling you. If you tell anyone where you got this information, I will deny it," she firmly stated.
"I understand, thank you," I said.
"This is not the first loan that your husband has with this bank. He has another house over on the south side of Atlanta that he is current with. He bought this house a little over six months ago and, if I had to guess he has set up another household there," she stated. I was so stunned I could not speak.
"Mrs. Mitchell, are you there?" she inquired after my lengthy pause.
"Uh, yes, I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard. Is he aware that his children and I are about to be put out of this house?" I asked still perplexed. I hated asking a stranger what was going on with my own husband but he would not return my pages nor would he answer me when I called him on the cell phone.
"This is difficult for me to say to you and I am sorry to be the one to enlighten you but when I questioned him about the loan on the house you are living in he said that you were just a renter and he could care less whether you were evicted or not cause you were not paying the rent."
'Well I'll just be damned' I thought to myself. I had a brief flash back to a conversation with my old friend Marie who told me to think twice before I entered into a relationship with Kentee. If I had only listened to Marie, I might not be going through the changes that I was going through now. Still stunned, I could not move my lips to ask the questions that I needed to ask. I realized that this clerk could not stay on the phone with me forever so I plunged forward.
"Renter, that's my husband," I stuttered.
"I know this and you know this but he was speaking to me as if that was not the case. I told him that if he allowed the house that you were living in to be foreclosed on he would permanently mess up his credit rating."
"And, what did he say?" I asked hoping that he would try to at least protect his credit rating if not his wife and family.
"Hum. I don't recall," she said clearly lying. She changed the subject and put the focus back on me.
"Look, I don't believe, based on my conversation with your husband that he is going to be your knight in shinning amour. I am speaking to you woman to woman because my husband left me high and dry and to this day, I don't know what happened to him. He could be dead for all I know. I am speaking to you so you don't sit around waiting for his ass to come back," she said.
"Look, I appreciate everything that you have said to me and your advice but I'm still stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have three kids and two of them are still in diapers. I can't get a job cause I can't afford day care. I have exactly $500 to my name and most of that I just got from the local churches in Peachtree City. What am I supposed to do," I wailed no longer able to hold back my sorrow.
"I don't have an answer for that. I just don't want you to hold on to false promises that aren't going to happen. You need to be making a way for you and your children cause your man ain't going to be there," she glumly stated.
I glanced at my watch and realized that we had been talking over thirty minutes. I didn't want to get her in trouble so I tried to get her off the phone. I needed some time to think about this knew information and I could not do it at her expense.
"Look, I appreciate all that you are trying to do for me. I realize that you need to get back to work. Thank you," I said holding back a fresh wave of tears.
"Hey, I was there but thankfully, I didn't have kids! Do yourself a favor, take the money you got and try to find some other place to live. I will lose your paperwork for a few months but I can't hold it off much longer than that," she said and hung up the phone. Shocked, I still held the phone in my hands and trying to remember if I ever got her name. For the life of me I could not remember. The shrill dial tone prompted me to hang up the phone.
Deep in my heart, I always believed that Kentee would come to his senses and come home. Even though I was hurt he was with another woman, I would gladly take him back. He was the first man that I ever loved and my heart wanted to forgive him for the errors of his dick.
Dejected I realized that this situation was out of my hands. The only person that I had control of in this situation was me! I called my mother and it was one of the hardest calls that I had to make. She was supposed to be enjoying her retirement and not worried about what her grown children were going through.
"Momma, it's Leah. I am going to need your help for the next few months with the kids while I try to find a job. I just found out from the mortgage company that Kentee has not been paying the mortgage and they are going to foreclose on this house."
"Oh my goodness," she exclaimed. "Has that fool bumped his head leaving you there with those three children all by yourself!" I could tell momma was worried I was going to want to move in with her but her tiny apartment would never house the children and I. I had half a mind to pack them up and take them to their other grandmother but she was so badly strung out on crack there was no telling what they would be exposed to.
"Momma, they are going to give me a few months. I just need to work and save money to move into an apartment or something. I want to stay in Peachtree City if I can but you know the rents here are pretty high."
"Yes they are but maybe you can get some type of assistance for the children at least," she said ever the voice of sanity and reason. I was so proud of my mother and I loved her unconditionally. Our past had not been the best but our future looked bright once I got over this latest hurdle.
"Can I drop them off in the morning?" I asked?
"Of course you can. I'll see you then," she said. I hung up the phone shaking my head quietly crying. Over the past three months, that's all I seemed to be able to do was cry. I was shaken from my revelry by a loud crash and the sound of crying. I rushed down the hall and entered the twin's bedroom. Nicole was on the floor screaming and banging her head on the floor. "Stop it I yelled," grabbing her from the floor and clutching her close to my chest. Her brother looked on at us in fear.